As I looked around my parents' house this weekend I noticed a number of pictures of my sister's step-daughter. I caught myself wanting to give them pictures of my child to add to their collection, to share oohs and aaa's with visitors; to adorn their shelves with generational blessings smiling their way each day. Those are the tough moments. But are they tough because of my longing for a child or are they tough for my own egocentric reasons? Showing off "Look what I made!"
I thank the Lord for moments like these when I can stop and test the Spirit for answers to these questions. I know it is not my time yet. The Lord is good and His timing is perfect. I will continue to inquire of the Lord and wait as he continues to bless me in my patience.
Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of the man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him. 1 Corinthians 2:9
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Come on ride that train...
One of the things I want to include on this page are some of the things people say that are not intended for harm but are sometimes received as such depending on the mind set of the day. I'm going to try to work through some of them to held build the defense when such "attacks" happen in the future. When I say "attacks" I do not meant the kind that are intentionally made by another individual. I'm talking about the spiritual attacks that often times creep in with simple words or phrases that can threaten to derail us.
Here is one of them:
"Hurry up and catch up with them. (speaking of my friends having babies) They'll forget you as they go down the pipe line."
Is that what we're really afraid of? Everyone's boarding the baby train and leaving us nulliparas behind. Will they remember us when we meet them in the land of children? Everyone's having showers and taking naps and decorating rooms. Are these just stops along the way we're afraid of missing? I have to check myself to make sure I really am waiting for the baby and not the baby shower.
Here is one of them:
"Hurry up and catch up with them. (speaking of my friends having babies) They'll forget you as they go down the pipe line."
Is that what we're really afraid of? Everyone's boarding the baby train and leaving us nulliparas behind. Will they remember us when we meet them in the land of children? Everyone's having showers and taking naps and decorating rooms. Are these just stops along the way we're afraid of missing? I have to check myself to make sure I really am waiting for the baby and not the baby shower.
Anointed and Disappointed
I took this title directly from the pages of the study I'm doing with Priscilla Shirer. Mine as well since it describes how I sometimes feel during this waiting time.
I have started this blog through the prompting of the Spirit reminding me that I am an anointed daughter of the king. I began this journey of blogging my experience in the time leading up to having children with the confidence that I have been chosen to do a good work for the Lord's people. Great. Awesome. Pumped up about that. But....I also need to be honest about all of it. I know the Lord is good and sovereign and wants what's best for his people (Rom. 8:28) but I also know that I have an idea of how things are "supposed" to be and I sometimes find myself disappointed that things haven't turned out exactly as I planned.
I'm not alone.
"I've always wanted children, but the doctor says that I will not be able to. Although I know God can override the doctor's prognosis, I don't know if I can live with my reality in the chance that He chooses not to." -Ebony, 31.
It's no surprise to me that this confession was found in the pages of the study I'm doing or that her age is the same as mine. I have not heard such news from the doctors but this is a fear that lumes in the darkness. What if? Could I handle that? Am I manifesting that by thinking these thoughts? Disappointment. Frustration. Fear. Which one of these are from the Lord? None!
As I read on, my confidence in Him grew. I was reminded to have faith in God's promises despite circumstances. This next statement my seem pretty bold and I will continue to test it against the Spirit but I believe that my husband and I have been chosen and anointed to have children. My man has an incredible fatherly spirit about him and I have always been drawn to children. Because of this I will stand firm on the promise of children. I will continue to pray and walk in this until the beautiful babies come or the Lord reveals a different vision.
The Lord is good and continues to amaze me. The more I tap in the more he reveals. Listen to the words of Priscilla as she speaks of a life removed from what we expected:
"He has anointed you and divinely equipped you to not merely handle it but to thrive in it. He may want to adjust your life and character in smaller assignments to prepare you for the larger ones."
How exciting! I believe my child (or children) is going to do something magnificent for the Lord's people. I am therefore taking this time to prepare a place, both within me and around me, to nurture that and maximize his/her opportunities to grow in his/her anointing.
Lord, help me commit my whole life to you. I don't want to become frustrated or disappointed in the seasons of waiting that you might allow me to go through. Allow my spiritual eyes to clearly see your hand in every aspect of each season. Empower me with patience and faithfulness by your Spirit to do what you have called me to do.
I have started this blog through the prompting of the Spirit reminding me that I am an anointed daughter of the king. I began this journey of blogging my experience in the time leading up to having children with the confidence that I have been chosen to do a good work for the Lord's people. Great. Awesome. Pumped up about that. But....I also need to be honest about all of it. I know the Lord is good and sovereign and wants what's best for his people (Rom. 8:28) but I also know that I have an idea of how things are "supposed" to be and I sometimes find myself disappointed that things haven't turned out exactly as I planned.
I'm not alone.
"I've always wanted children, but the doctor says that I will not be able to. Although I know God can override the doctor's prognosis, I don't know if I can live with my reality in the chance that He chooses not to." -Ebony, 31.
It's no surprise to me that this confession was found in the pages of the study I'm doing or that her age is the same as mine. I have not heard such news from the doctors but this is a fear that lumes in the darkness. What if? Could I handle that? Am I manifesting that by thinking these thoughts? Disappointment. Frustration. Fear. Which one of these are from the Lord? None!
As I read on, my confidence in Him grew. I was reminded to have faith in God's promises despite circumstances. This next statement my seem pretty bold and I will continue to test it against the Spirit but I believe that my husband and I have been chosen and anointed to have children. My man has an incredible fatherly spirit about him and I have always been drawn to children. Because of this I will stand firm on the promise of children. I will continue to pray and walk in this until the beautiful babies come or the Lord reveals a different vision.
The Lord is good and continues to amaze me. The more I tap in the more he reveals. Listen to the words of Priscilla as she speaks of a life removed from what we expected:
"He has anointed you and divinely equipped you to not merely handle it but to thrive in it. He may want to adjust your life and character in smaller assignments to prepare you for the larger ones."
How exciting! I believe my child (or children) is going to do something magnificent for the Lord's people. I am therefore taking this time to prepare a place, both within me and around me, to nurture that and maximize his/her opportunities to grow in his/her anointing.
Lord, help me commit my whole life to you. I don't want to become frustrated or disappointed in the seasons of waiting that you might allow me to go through. Allow my spiritual eyes to clearly see your hand in every aspect of each season. Empower me with patience and faithfulness by your Spirit to do what you have called me to do.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Blogging with Balderdash
I find myself very surprised that I am looking at a screen waiting to receive words to be published on the world wide web. I have decided to start a blog. Well, I should rephrase that. The Lord decided to equip me with what I will need to have a blog. Let's see if I can explain...
For some reason, I have always had the idea that I wanted to write a book. There really isn't anything in my past that would prove me able to do this...I hated English class in high school, I'm the worst speller in the world (I know there's spell check, but I needed another excuse), and I've had plenty of "great ideas" that I began but never finished. Still, the desire remained.
But what do I know? No really, what do I know that I would write about. I'm pretty sure most people who want to write a book have the topic first and the desire second. Not me! I've never really felt like an expert on anything; still don't. Good thing I have the expert of al things as my manager/editor/publisher. I can explain that, too.
I am currently part of a women's Bible study in which we are looking at David. The study and the women I'm studying with are rockin' my face off! I'm learning and seeing some incredible things the Lord has done for so many people and as usual I was sitting back, thinking "Wow! How cool. Look at what those people are able to do. Great." But this time the Lord had something to say back to me. "Hey Kate. It's not about them. It's about Me. I do all that. I want to do that with you." Remember all of those excuses at the beginning of this post? Well, there were many more, mostly involving my insecurities and lack of esteem for myself. The Lord said, "Perfect! I'll take them."
So here we go....
Nullipara...for now. The word came from a game of Balderdash. For those of you who don't know, Balderdash is a game where one person reads a word and the rest of the players try to come up with the best made-up definition they can so others will believe what they wrote. I was the reader and got this word, nullipara, which means "a woman who has never borne a child." Interesting word for me to get, a 31 year old woman trying to get pregnant in a world full of scare tactics for people in my place in life. I know this because when I first read the definition I thought "Oh no. That's me. I'll never have a child." But after I took a minute to breathe as the others were snickering about their genius definitions I reread what it meant. It said "has never" not "will never." Big difference.
I proudly write this blog as a nullipara...for now. I will be writing about this precious time before I am blessed with children of my own. I will share encouraging words along with the tough times that come with this season of waiting. I am thankful for this day of reflection and love and for each day that follows. Thanks for joining me on this journey!
For some reason, I have always had the idea that I wanted to write a book. There really isn't anything in my past that would prove me able to do this...I hated English class in high school, I'm the worst speller in the world (I know there's spell check, but I needed another excuse), and I've had plenty of "great ideas" that I began but never finished. Still, the desire remained.
But what do I know? No really, what do I know that I would write about. I'm pretty sure most people who want to write a book have the topic first and the desire second. Not me! I've never really felt like an expert on anything; still don't. Good thing I have the expert of al things as my manager/editor/publisher. I can explain that, too.
I am currently part of a women's Bible study in which we are looking at David. The study and the women I'm studying with are rockin' my face off! I'm learning and seeing some incredible things the Lord has done for so many people and as usual I was sitting back, thinking "Wow! How cool. Look at what those people are able to do. Great." But this time the Lord had something to say back to me. "Hey Kate. It's not about them. It's about Me. I do all that. I want to do that with you." Remember all of those excuses at the beginning of this post? Well, there were many more, mostly involving my insecurities and lack of esteem for myself. The Lord said, "Perfect! I'll take them."
So here we go....
Nullipara...for now. The word came from a game of Balderdash. For those of you who don't know, Balderdash is a game where one person reads a word and the rest of the players try to come up with the best made-up definition they can so others will believe what they wrote. I was the reader and got this word, nullipara, which means "a woman who has never borne a child." Interesting word for me to get, a 31 year old woman trying to get pregnant in a world full of scare tactics for people in my place in life. I know this because when I first read the definition I thought "Oh no. That's me. I'll never have a child." But after I took a minute to breathe as the others were snickering about their genius definitions I reread what it meant. It said "has never" not "will never." Big difference.
I proudly write this blog as a nullipara...for now. I will be writing about this precious time before I am blessed with children of my own. I will share encouraging words along with the tough times that come with this season of waiting. I am thankful for this day of reflection and love and for each day that follows. Thanks for joining me on this journey!
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